his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
