Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Randomize
