Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
