I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am one with the molecules
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
