well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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