Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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