Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
