i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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