You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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