I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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