Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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