I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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