if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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