I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
