Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
