Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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