there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
