Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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