Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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