Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is the high leading the old right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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