I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
nutella sex= disaster
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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