my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
