"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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