you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You pole danced in your parka.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
