I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
