somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
