I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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