I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
