I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
