I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
