I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
