In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
