I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
