cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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