i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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