Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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