That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
