I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
