It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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