I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
