Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
