my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
