I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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