did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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