i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
