Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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