I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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