Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
