did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
