She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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