you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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